the one

i recently preached on relationships - within the sermon was a segment on the mythical concept of "the one" - you know we need to find "the one" that was meant for us - as if "the one" is waiting on us out there somewhere and without discovering them our marriage and life will not be all it can be - i do believe God is intricately involved in our lives

but imagine the probabilities - if just one person married somebody other than "the one" then the planets would not be aligned for both of them - nor for the two other people they were supposed to marry - nor whoever these other two married - it goes on and on forever - the probability is that if marital bliss was connected to us finding "the one" there would be very few awesome marriages - unless God is moving us around like men on a chessboard

yet this is exactly one huge problem in our culture - people believe they should marry who they love - so daily we watch people throw their marriages away based on this erroneous assumption

imagine - a man wakes up one morning and doesn't "feel" married - perhaps he isn't receiving what he wants from his marriage - and then a woman at work - who he has been getting a little too close to anyway - throws a little extra attention his way - emotions and hormones stir - he feels things he once felt for the lady who is now his wife - shallow but real - and he assumes he has fallen out of love with his wife and in love with this other woman - so the solution is to get a divorce - and marry the new person he "loves"

that isn't a story - or a parable - this is a fact - repeated daily in this country - and you can reverse the genders - it happens to men and women - daily - and the reasons - or excuses - are many - long-term illness requiring constant care by the other spouse - death of a child - depression - financial problems - paralysis that no longer allows full sexual intimacy - and i have to include simple immaturity - just about anything can be the excuse for "falling out of love"

but it doesn't happen just once for many people - because if you believe the emotions and the hormones are what constitutes love - and that you can fall in and out of love that easily - you'll be in and out of beds the rest of your life - and maybe marriages too

love is not emotion - it is not how you "feel" today - it is not hormones or goosebumps - love is a choice - see Jesus' life and death for THE example - He wasn't in love with the cross - but He chose it! - THAT is love! - and that's how God describes the way a man should love his wife - as Jesus loved us!

understand this - God did not put us on a quest to find "the one" - He doesn't say there is this "the one" that you must find and marry - and He does not say - i want you to get this - God does not say you should marry the person you love - that's what our culture says - God says the opposite - God's Word says we should love the person we choose to be "the one" - whoever we marry - from the moment of "i do" they should be the only object of our earthly romantic affection - period - no one else

so again i say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. ephesians 5:33 nlt

love - the choice to love - daily - for better for worse - it comes after the choice to marry - and it is a daily choice - this is how God means for marriage to work - you find a person that fits you (not completes you - see genesis 2:18) - they won't be perfect - but that's ok - you aren't either - just make sure they fit you - that they are someone you can love and respect the rest of your life - whether emotions are there - whether money is there - even when health or hair have been lost - and love them - daily - respect them - daily - and that's what makes marriage last - it's what makes them "the one" for you - that you chose them - and you continue to choose them daily